Time-outs: An Insight

Time-outs seem to be most parents’ favourite disciplining tool. How it normally works is that you have a child who is behaving badly, you remove him/her from the situation & sit him out in another room. Tell the child that s/he is in “time-out”. The idea is to remove the child from that situation and provide him sometime to calm down. It’s success rate is quite high. Experts say time-outs work almost all the time when implemented in the right manner. Starting from 18 months of age to even 15 years old, you just need apply it differently in different circumstances.

Young kids oft act without much thought-they want their “demands” to be met & sometimes don’t really care how. In such situations when kids are made to be in time-out, they seldom resist, resulting in a power struggle. This is a situation we absolutely want to avoid as in most cases it ends up desensitizing the child to time-outs.

We think a “sit-out” or “sit-apart”is a better alternative to time-out. It helps tremendously in calming an aggressive child. Sit-outs are similar to time-outs but easily implementable. Basically it is about keeping the child in the same room, just that their movement is restricted. It is about positively encouraging the child to improve his behavior. Since the child is not forcefully confined into a space, s/he is motivated to improve their behavior. Use sit-outs to speak to your child & praise him for calming down.

How much time to allot for a sit-out? Follow the same thumb rule as you do for time-outs, basically a minute per year of your child. If required, keep a timer handy but remember to start the sit-out period only when the child stops crying.

Ensure using Time-outs sparingly. Over-doing it will dilute its effectiveness. Also, remember time-outs work only when the child is being loved enough & thus should be able to feel the intensity of being temporarily put in isolation. Follow up a time-out/sit-out with positive talk & reassure them that they are loved immensely.

Many parents have their own opinion on time-outs, some are all for it whereas some aren’t.  However, one thing both sides should bear in mind is that if your child is misbehaving too often or is doing things that could harm him or others around him, then he needs to be taken out of the situation immediately.