Sacrifices of iron-willed Mothers

Guest Blogger Deepa M. Kini

It was those days when I was learning how to bathe my baby. It was tough for me as my baby used to cry continuously due to colic and I had no choice but to handle a crying baby with shivering hands, trying to avoid water going into his ears. Apart from this, there were at least 4 elders surrounding me and telling me what to do. Oh! How I dreaded this time!

Once, on such day, before his bath I was arranging all the bath items (soap, oil, towel, just the right temperature of water etc.) in order, when I noticed our house maid deep in thoughts. I inquired her, to which she casually answered that for her kid’s bath, she could afford only the cloth washing soap (about 20 years ago). I looked at her blankly and she narrated how the family was forced to leave her in-law's house and they migrated to this town more than 20 years ago with 2 little kids and no job/money. She worked as a maid in different houses; owing to her lack of education she could not find another job. She stopped and tried to hide a tear drop. I later learned from my grandmother that the maid had saved enough to educate both her kids (an engineer and a nurse). She owns a tiny little house with a garden/farm where she grows little amounts of vegetables and flowers, to sell them. Though her kids are well to do, she refuses to take their help to run her life until she can depend on herself. She never boasted of her sacrifices, her achievements but quietly did her job all these years. Her desire for her children's well-being made her rise up despite the lack of basic amenities, infrastructure or education.

Another mommy I look up to is mine :). The first thing that you can see on my mother’s face is her comforting smile. Through the years, the wrinkles have not managed to mar this beautiful feature. My mommy has a PhD in Zoology and used to be a lecturer. She left her job and career to be a stay-at-home mom for our sake. She was always there when I came back from school. Her smile cruised me through most of my exam fears and her unique teaching methods got me the best grade in school. Some part of my life, I stayed away from mom. Even then, she made sure I was having dinner on time and always called me when I needed her the most. I remember when I had malaria and used to get chills at night, she would sit by my side all night sleep deprived, and still serve everyone at breakfast with a smile. Her presence alone tells me “Things will be alright”.

One mommy started working for her children and the other mommy left her work to be there for her children. When I look at these mommies, I gather that my fear result from the fact that I want everything to be perfect for my kid and I strive for that continuously. This creates undue pressure on me and my loved ones. But, these super moms made me realize that things will never be perfect all the time, despite my zillion efforts. We have to do the best we can at the time, with what we can afford and learn with every situation. You should learn to let go and allow your kid to play, interact and grow into a unique individual. Even with extra care, there will be hurt. But instead of losing your mind over the hurts, be there for them when the kids are hurting. I am sure they will remember that all their lives, exactly like you can picture your mom as soon as you hurt yourself.

Mommies make some really tough decisions and very big sacrifices. With this post, I'd like to salute every mommy with untold yet beautiful stories in the world - you have a huge heart, beautiful soul and an iron will.

Deepa M. Kini is a Bangalore based Tech mom of a 1.5 year old boy. She loves being with different type of people and communicating with people of all ages.