How to Zap ‘The Mom Guilt’

We are all different kind of mommies; working moms, stay at home mothers, work from home moms-- all kind of arrangements. With all the uniqueness and differences, I'd to say that one thing binds us all. We all suffer from something called THE MOM GUILT (TMG). TMG is like PMS — we all get it from time to time. As per Babycenter.com, a whopping 94% of moms confessed they feel ashamed over issues ranging from working outside the home for a long time or at times are not working outside the home and contributing to the household income. Some moms feel guilty for not keeping the house in a good condition or not being there when their children want them; some mommies even stress over their choice of diapers... the list goes on. 

So many of us are hurting being on this guilt trip, & thus the issue needs urgent attention. Let’s talk about TMG. Let’s try & learn how to use our guilt as a catalyst for doing something positive, that will help us grow and find parenting tools which will aid us in enjoying the motherhood journey. We put in all our hard work to be good parents and we become really harsh on ourselves when we do not meet expectations which we’ve set for ourselves. Wouldn’t it be better if we take our selves a little easy?  What if we look at ourselves with the same grace, or we work at forgiving ourselves when we go wrong?

  

Momsters rounds up the most common TMG reasons & how to give yourself leeway to do without the burden of even one ounce of guilt.

Yelling: No one feels good about yelling at their kids. In fact, yelling is the number one cause of TMG. Relax! Yelling is as much a part of motherhood as changing diapers and making pancakes.  But when this happens, take a careful look at your behavior. Was your reaction something you generally don’t do? Do you generally remain calm and patient with your child? If your answer is yes, then don’t be so harsh on yourself, and learn from this incident. 

Finding aspects of motherhood incredibly tedious: If you didn't find watching your child go down the slide for the 100th time that day ("Mom, look atmeeee!") it’s OK. Your child needs to know you cannot be there at his beck & call ALWAYS. Shun TMG!

 

Using TV as a babysitter: It’s time to cook dinner, so the best you can do is plop the kids in front of the telly so they won't bother you. They are very happy, but you feel guilty. Is watching TV really that bad? No, say experts: "Using television entertainment as a form of quiet time is perfectly OK." Make sure you do it in moderation. If your child is not yet two you should keep TV time minimal, maybe 15-20 minutes. With older children, more than two hours a day is too much. Watch with your child, and pick programs that are appropriate. Then relax and send your guilt on its way.

Not wanting to play more: "Playmate" automatically adds up to the "job description" of mommies. But in today's extremely fast-paced schedules, slowing down is difficult, and slowing down to play one more game of Chhota Bheem and Disney Princess is -- well, it makes you Holier-than-thou. Managing mommyhood is anyway more than a handful, so let’s give saint-hood a miss. Let's make peace with the happy fact that kids don't need to be entertained all the time (least by you). But remember when you spend time with them, really do so, even if it's only for half an hour-QUALITY OVER QUANTITY.

Working: Being away from your baby while at work can send any sane-headed woman on TMG trip. It's ok to have the twinge of guilt, but thankfully there are many ways to deal with it. Find a sound board. Knowing that there are others sailing in the same boat, with almost identical issues, always helps-puts everything in perspective.

Yearning for some 'Me Time': How many of us haven’t had the urge to just walk away from lack of sleep and the howling and the baby madness -- at least sometimes -- and ended up eventually guilty about feeling that way? This is actually an alarm, an indication by your system to tell you: It's ESSENTIAL to take some time for yourself to rejuvenate. Experts say -- schedule regular "YOU" time, and treat it as holy. Once you come back from it you will find yourself to be a nicer, happier mommy.  

Finally -- and this is true for all these guilt trips -- accept the feeling and move on. Don't let it bring you down. Say goodbye to the blame game by learning it’s OK to enjoy life, have date nights or weekends away from the kids.

Remember instead of a Guilty Mom, be a Growing Mom – still learning.