Fostering Independence in your Child

Sometime back, I read a very interesting piece on eagles. It explained how eagles train their young to fly & face the harsh world. The mother eagle throws the eaglets out of the nest & out of fear they jump right back in. To discourage them to run to the shelter, she removes the soft layers of the nest, leaving only thorns. This time when the scared eaglets try getting into the nest, they are pricked by thorns. Yelping and bleeding they jump out. Next, the mother eagle gently pushes them off the cliff into the air. As they shriek in fear, father eagle flies and catches them up on his back and brings them back to the cliff. This goes on until they start flapping their wings.

As parents it is natural for us to want to shield our children from the “big bad world” & bring them up in a protected environment but the fact remains that eventually they have to face the world alone. Therefore it is best to make them independent from the very beginning. We need to take a leaf out of the eagles’ lives & nudge our children off the “cliff” in order to teach them to fly solo. Becoming independent is an important part of growing up. Let’s look at how we can make our children self-reliant.

• Ask them questions based on real life issues viz. What would you do if you got locked in the bathroom? This would help them find solutions to real-life problems. 
• Treat them like young individuals & reinforce with actions that their opinion is as important as everyone else’s. 

• Set achievable goals & help them achieve these goals by gentle encouragement. This can start as early as toddler days when they can be encouraged to put their toys away after playing.

• Don’t dominate their decision making just keep a tepid eye on them. Don’t forget to applaud their “good” decisions. Verbal appreciation like, "You put your books back on the shelf on your own, that’s really nice. You have been taking care of your books very well."
• Let them work their way out themselves, unless obviously it is something major.
• Encourage your children to make choices. Give them the opportunity to choose between two things. This can start in a small way by asking them what outfit would they like to wear? If they would prefer to brush their teeth before or after the bedtime story routine, etc.
• Let your child make mistakes but don’t dismiss their efforts. This is how they know it is ok to falter but it is important to keep trying.

• Avoid putting your child in structured play zones, natural environmental free play mean getting hurt & picking oneself up & carrying on. Always being in protected areas mean being less independent when left unsupervised. 

• Offer them support when they show signs of doing something independently. There might be times when there is something a child usually does on his own but is unable to do on a particular instance. Do not insist on having that task done by them, instead join in & help them.

 

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