You Fill Me Up With Love - Shreya

Who am I?
A daughter, a wife, a mother, a home-maker, a professional, a lover, a friend... In one word.... "Countless Emotion”!! On the lighter side - I am lazy yet organized, a passionate perfectionist in some areas and equally passive in others. I am an electrical-engineer turned software-professional in IT sector. Currently on new role of mother to a 10 months old (DOB: 15/10/10) baby girl- Shreya. I love reading (anything for that matter), travelling (I'd love to travel the whole world someday), entertaining friends & family and watching movies (though it does not happen very often these days). Writing is a new-found interest through which I am discovering myself!

Shreya arrived:

I had a normal pregnancy till the very end. No back pain, no tiredness, no sleepless nights. I was able to work and manage home simultaneously till the very end. In fact, I wasn’t desperate for the baby to come out. I was quite enjoying the pregnancy and all the attention that comes with it till the end :)
Thanks to active life-style and pregnancy-yoga and most importantly my doctor, I had a smooth, full-term and normal delivery. It was an induced labour and there comes my Shreya at 2:14pm on the day of Maha-Asthami of Durga Puja. Now when I look back at that moment, I have tears in my eyes. But at that time, I distinctly remember, I hadn’t felt much. I could hear the Ped with the nurses cleaning her up and she was crying loudly. A nurse then showed her pink face to me. I was so engulfed in pain that I hadn’t felt anything at that moment. After the doc finished their job of stitching me up, I was brought back to my room. I saw S (my hubby), Ma and Baba waiting eagerly for me. I can never forget the look on their faces. They were so so happy. I’ve never seen my dad so happy. Ma told me in Bengali ‘Did you see her? She’s so cute’. S, who was running around in anxiety, he refused to go for other hospital formality until I am brought back to my room. He was in complete tears seeing me and those were tears of joy.

Approximately half an hour later, I saw Shreya in the nurse's hands and that was a moment of bliss. There she was; my new found happiness - SHREYA (auspicious and beautiful). I didn’t know what the time was, but I remember Ma, Baba and even S telling the whole world that my daughter was here. The whole experience of bringing a life into this world is something that makes you smile when you look back. The first time you see your baby is unforgettable for any parent. The arrival of every new baby is thrilling. It is a high that one can’t get enough of.

Being Shreya's Momma:

Those initial days were the time when your baby could bring tears to my eyes.  That night when she first cried in her Papa's lap (I was not even in the position to hold her) - there is no way I can describe the fear, anxiety, desperation and helplessness- that I felt when I saw her tiny little face twisted in pain. Even now I feel like crying whenever I see her in pain and probably that’s how I vent my feelings for her.

Motherhood is great for sure. But it doesn't come without its challenges. Pacifying a crying baby is one. But doing it when you already are in physical pain and emotional turmoil is a whole different story. The first 2 weeks are undoubtedly the worst. Your unmentionables are aching, hormones on a ride, so many changes to the body that are simply "happening". Very disturbing times when you are not sure of what to do, how to do... you are hoping someone would hold your hand through it but all you get is advices. At the end of 2 weeks, you feel like you have accomplished quite a lot because now you know to distinguish hunger cries from pain cries and you know how to live on sleep that you get in instalments. Thanks to the helping hands of S, Mom and Dad, I sailed through fine. But one month down the calendar, things get much better. At 1.5 months all the hard work pays off as you see your baby's first real smile. At month number 2, smiles, coos and laughter take over your days. And from that point, there is no looking back - you get paid in priceless hugs and kisses and I can simply die for them.

We are Family:

We were a nuclear family but post Shreya we are strongly supported by either set of parents.

Tough Path:

28th Mar, I joined back work - leaving behind my 5.5 months old daughter back home.
I know there are lot of people around to look after her (her nanny, my in-laws) but for some reason my heart was aching. But I am smart enough not to express this to anyone - not even S could make it out...smart me :)
I sat at my desk staring blankly at the laptop. My mind was wandering in its own world, anticipating a call from home, wondering what Shreya must be doing at home. On the other hand, I’m glad to be back to work - the family of familiar faces. But again all of a sudden the deadline, the projects, the milestone, the opportunities, the raise, the hike all seemed so insignificant and materialistic. Now I understand that Motherhood is such a feeling that is unparalleled, unmatched to any other achievement in life.

Bringing up Shreya:

Shreya's arrival is a dream come true and of course many more in the making :)
At this point of time, I am sure the journey would be fun and I can’t wait to see her growing - each day.

I’d make Sure:

She gets all the time from her parents that she demands, live a healthy life, respect others, most importantly grow up to be a good human being.

“Love you Mum”:

For most things we need 2 hands to do, we need only 1 now. We take a million pics of the same baby-moment, promising to delete the duplicates later - "Later" never comes. We don't have to sing in the bathroom anymore. Now we have an attentive, dedicated audience. We long for some peace but worry the most when it’s silent. Every night, when we kiss them 'good night', we kiss our sleep 'good bye'