It was 'labour on Labour Day' : Shweta Saran

Laasya arrived on May 1st, 2010, or as I like to call it, 'labour on Labour Day'! On April 30th, I had contractions that seemed to be false alarms, but I went to the hospital early in the morning anyway. It turned out that I was in labour! I have never been so terrified in my life. I had been praying for a C-section from the time I became pregnant. I don't care about other moms but I ain't a saint and the thought of childbirth always terrified me. But I was not for an elective C-section either, so I decided to opt for an epidural.

The presence of my husband in the delivery room, holding my hand and encouraging me to bear the pain really helped. And hey, there is still pain with an epidural. You can't just lie back with a book and say "let me know when it's done, doc!" They give a few, concentrated doses, not the kind you'd use to tranquilize an elephant :)


The pushing was easy, and Laasya just 'plopped' out, in such a magical way! She was so curious, and her eyes were wide open even at birth, frowning at and scrutinizing my gynecologist and the pediatrician. She looked so beautiful. My husband held her first and I held her next. It is undoubtedly the greatest moment of my life. 

The next few days and weeks are such a blur. I now know for a fact that I suffered from a mild case of post-partum depression. I felt lost, depressed and experienced crazy mood swings. I didn't feel any connection to Laasya and hated holding her or being with her, although I pretended to be dazzled by her. I did crazy things like accusing my mom of trying to steal her from me and dreaming of running away. I really don't think this is under a woman's control and the sooner she talks about her situation, the better. If you are breastfeeding, you cannot take antidepressants but you certainly can seek psychiatric help. At first, I thought it was the torture of breastfeeding and the stress but I have now read more about it and it can be quite terrible. I outgrew it when she turned 1. Now, it is magical in every way.

Life with Laasya is a fascinating, unpredictable ride. Where was she when I was young, lost and directionless?