Raising Strong Daughters - Dads speak

We did a post on 'Raising Strong Daughters' where we spoke to mums about raising strong daughters... and we also spoke to mums about raising boys who would respect girls. We have always maintained the Momsters is a 'Parenting Blog' and I'm not a 'Mommy' but a Parenting Blogger. Hence we decided to speak to a few dads on the topic.... and we got some amazing dads telling us what they feel. 

We spoke to a few dads who have daughters. I asked them What are they doing to 'Raising Strong Daughters'

Ameen Haque (Dad of two 6 & 8 year old daughters) - Nothing special. And in that lies the answer. I guess sometimes you have to do something 'extra' in order to offset some other thing, for e.g. to compensate for something that makes them feel smaller or lesser in some way. I think the biggest thing we do(and i would like to credit my wife Vaishali equally for this) is that we do not ever say 'but you are girls and therefore you cannot do this or that'. Sometimes the biggest contributions can be made not through the presence of an extra push but by the absence of shackles. All we have done is removed the shackles. We have never made them feel that they are less than boys in any way. My girls and 6 and 8 and they do what they like.

They do not stay away from something just because it is a 'boys thing' neither do they do something just because it is the 'right thing for girls to do'. Their reason for doing something has to be that they like it. The other thing try to do is to let them fail and not rush in to help. That way, when they finally pull of something, the victory is theirs. And they learn to get up after falling. I guess whatever i have said here is not not just applicable to raising girls but is true all children.

Faizan Akhtar (Dad of a 3 year old daughter) - Z is Z (an individual first)... we do a lot of things by which we make sure she appreciates herself in a world which believes in cloning.  So we do ask her opinion on small things and we appreciate that. Falak and I have from the beginning tried to keep things as gender neutral as possible for her. Even before Z was born we were partners, and now we are aware how crucial it is to set the right example. So in our house there's nothing like 'this is what daddies do and this is what mums do'. Another thing is respect, we respect each other's work, space, personality etc.. that will have a huge impact on a child.

I pamper her, I correct her, I support her but I let her be herself. She knows we're there but she has to make her mistakes and learn from them. Another crucial thing is communication, she should be able to come and tell us if she wants to share something.  I make sure everyday in the morning I ask her what's going on. Its like a ritual now. :).

Arjun Swaminathan (Dad of 3 year old twin girls) - For me I'd rather not hold their finger and guide them thru every inch of their lives. I'd like them to explore, fall and dust off. I'd be with them thru out but watching them from a distance and if they need help I'll be most happy to assist.No gender stereotyping of toys or professions or activities. Like, Dad goes to work and Mom stays home does not happen at our place, its ok to fall from the jungle gym or chase to catch a cockroach... I'd like to see them as kind individuals. 

And then we moved to daddies who are raising boys and we asked them, how they intend on raising boys who respect girls.

Rajesh Meher (Dad of a 2.5 years old boy) - Indian men live in a complex web of entitlements and my son is 'naturally' endowed with many that he could take advantage of: class, gender, caste, language, skin color, sexuality and ethnicity. I think the larger project of raising intelligent, empathetic, sensitive, thoughtful men is best achieved by being aware of these layers of entitlements and ensuring an adequate response when one or more of them plays out. If my son boasts about his skin color, or makes jokes about his carer's pidgin pronunciations, or displays xenophobic or homophobic tendencies, or says something sexist, I will interrogate such behaviors or thoughts. Hopefully, in addressing all forms of entitlement, the subset of gender-based prejudice will be automatically addressed. In short, if he learns to understand why he is respected and thus respects everyone who deserves it, he will respect women. Get back to me in 14 years for an 'after' appraisal.

Pruthvi Banwasi (Dad of an 11 year old boy) - I have a 11 year old, though his peers at this age keep him away from girls with all possible connotations, I see that resentment prevailing superficially to please his friends, but in depth when he starts playing with a group or individual girls in the family or at school, he is very friendly and understands them well. I think to be part of his peers he seems to have the need to show that 'hate' publicly. From my end, a bit of contribution, I have always as a dad shown him that I respect women of all ages, and help them in small ways, be it carrying someones bag to the lift, or opening doors for a lady, or conversing with children and showing that it is fine to speak to all of them. The breakthrough happened when I was able to convince him to call all his class mates (18 in all) boys and girls together to participate in the celebrations for his birthday, which until now was restricted to 'only boys' we saw that all the other children also interacted well.

So here we heard what daddies have to say and what moms have to say. What is your take on this?

*Image courtesy - Google